There is much to say about my first hundred days placement since October 2010, in the Fahamu Pan African Fellowship Programme. If it was easy to pen it all down – or open up my heart to pour out all my emotions, or to even play out everything I have recorded in my soul and achieved in my thoughts to touching with my spirit – everything would define itself as heaven and hell all at the same place. There were days I wished morning would come first so that I could go out there and be the rogue activist who questioned and fought everything ‘bad’ she found on her path.

Yet, with the dawning of each day and the realities of capitalism, imperialism and oppression staring right into my face – from the everyday news that I quickly was gaining interest on, to observations and the assignments I had, and the information gathered from the books I read – which explained the history of the black people, from the time of black man’s paradise and slavery years, that lasted for over 400 years till this modern age slavery of ‘Aid in Africa.’ Doubt daunted me. Then that doubt was proceeded with the challenges faced by fellow activists and comrades in their field of work to their placements where ‘change,’ ‘solidarity’ ‘egalitarism’ and ‘social justice’ was aimed at, yet people there were overwhelmed by their own bureaucracy and hierarchical settings in the organizations they worked in, blinded by their own titles and self interests to a point oppressing one another had become their daily bread.

During the induction process in October 2010, I would be lying if I said there was anytime I felt moved, apart from when I meet the fellows for the first time and after they showed us a clip of the post election violence. I haven’t forgotten it; it was labelled ‘Painful Memories.’ I had churned up feelings after that tightened into a huge pang in my chest and a stream of tears from my eyes.

That week when the FAHAMU team asked us to have an interview to say what were our expectations were. I didn’t have any. I hated putting my hopes too high, so I opted to say what I wished for most. And that was friends to help me in my queer revolution (as I would in theirs) and networks. In the end I just remember insisting in uniting together, in solidarity during this workshop. Learning was smooth with a couple of very thick huddles when it decided to have some, but the hearing of the somewhat hidden thoughts of my fellow comrades was inevitable. By the end of the exhausting induction process, one of the comrades – who had openly stated that he was homophobic – got to understand where all we, queer folks, were coming from and at last I saw a dim light at the end of the train tunnel.

To me, aside from a lot of knowledge – that was so hard to stomach all at the same time – was the biggest achievement I had made in the 9 days of induction!

Work commenced at Fahamu in November, taking each day as a learning experience. I started loving to read. I would open different sites gathering insights on world news, the LGBTI struggle, AU Monitor, climate change and food sovereignty. Time came I had to work on an LGBTI boot camp logistical plan, the agenda for an AU summit – on women in the rural areas of Ethiopia (that greatly saddened me), the Seven Sisters’ study group interviews, the training of trainers programme at Gay Kenya and to travel to Ghana for a Gender Equality Workshop, that was exciting yes but left me petrified. Workshops with fellows came in, with the likes of Willy Mutunga’s with exciting sessions on social movements in Kenya.

In late November 2010, Kenya’s Prime Minister’s made this scathing attack that all gay people should be arrested, two of our comrades suggested that we should march to his office in protest during the World AIDS Day on December 1st. We wrote a slogan “Human rights for all in the new constitution” and stated, that the PM’s Statement to arrest all gay people meant more discrimination and stigma hence the spread of HIV.

During this day we had to share a tent with another organisation because we had not been given a tent, Curious Kenyans flocked in the tent, some to earnestly to get insights in our lives and the preventive measures we take in our sexual activities and others were there to take us down the morality lane, of what is wrong and right, unnatural, un Africa, un godly and beastly, the list was endless. I had heard enough but I…

-To read this story in full, please download the Adilisha Newsletter Issue 1 April 2011.

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* Blessol Gathoni is taking part in the Fahamu Pan-African Fellowship Programme.
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