Make a difference: Say something

It is yet another year that the LGBTI communities, their friends and allies mark the International Day Against Homophobia. I say ‘mark’ because we do not celebrate homophobia. Although today we have a reason to celebrate something – because we are still relieved that the Anti-Homosexuality Bill was not discussed in the Ugandan parliament last week, we live to fight another day.

Transgender and gay bashing has become quite acceptable and we have
somehow developed immunity towards it.



Every year we see messages condemning state sponsored homophobia, but
little mention is given about the same within the family unit. But then what happens when we are faced with the same discrimination
from our own families, our own kin? How do we deal with it? How do we
confront our own flesh with our sexual secrets? How do we deal with
that conflict?

For most of us we can’t come clean to our own families because our
very being is something taboo; something seen as a curse. You see Dennis, my friend, keeps telling me that he is tired of being
a victim all the time and that it’s good coming out of the closet where it is dark and lonely. But how many of us can actually do that?

How many of us have the guts to take our dads for coffee and tell them:
‘…so dad I know you’re wondering why we are here but I wanted to tell
you I’m gay…’ or ‘…hey dad meet my partner’. Even if not in those
exact words, but you get my drift, right?



But let me put things into a bigger perspective. I’ll tell you my
other friend’s story. Let’s call her Lorraine.



Lorraine hid in her closet for 15 years and after 15 years she figured
she’s had enough. So she told her sister and all hell broke loose.


What transpired is something she would quickly erase from her memory;
unfortunately things don’t work that way.



She was kicked out, in the middle of the night, by the person she
trusted most with her secret, and raped by guards from whom she sought
protection. For a long time Lorraine felt like she brought it upon
herself.



Her sister took her in after that but physical, verbal and emotional
abuse characterised her stay. She rarely ate because her sister denied
her food. And she took it all in with stride.

I’m going to leave it at that but I admire Lorraine for her strength
and guts. I’m not sure how many of us would survive any of that.


Lorraine also took it upon herself to sensitise her relatives about
her sexuality. She maintains her stand and tries to accommodate all her relatives. Some have taken it in but some still find her strange. But at the end
of the day, she can sleep peacefully at night knowing she is free to
live and breathe.


I won’t lie, homophobia hurts and sucks like hell. We’ve all gone
through it or we know someone who has. But one thing I’ve learnt
through the years is that it makes us stronger individuals.



So as we mark this day, I challenge every one of us to at least talk
to one person you know about homosexuality. I’m not asking you to come
out, just yet, even I am struggling with that. But just try and
communicate our fears and insecurities as a minority group.


Trust me it will make a difference in someone’s life or perception;
maybe not today or tomorrow but some day. And remaining silent is the
bigger tragedy.



Our struggle continues!!!



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* Esther Adhiambo is a sister, a daughter, an aunt, a friend.
* Please send comments to [email protected] or comment online at Pambazuka News.